A whole new way to look at the holidays
Will you choose grandpa's mincemeat pie or multicolored cookies?
About a month ago, in one of our circles, someone proposed an idea I’ve been thinking about ever since:
What if holidays were opportunities and not obligations?
What if, she continued, a holiday was a real break? A break from consumerism and from being forced to do things we didn’t want to? What if, instead, it were full of levity, fun, play, and togetherness? What if we were able to prioritize OUR chosen traditions?
As she spoke, each of us could feel the excitement around the potential for things to be different.
It was not an entirely new idea for this circle. We’ve been exploring and challenging cultural norms. We’ve made steps toward prioritizing ourselves and our families needs. But this new framework—the simple idea that releasing an obligation creates an opportunity—was easy to remember and, we hoped, would have a big impact. Yes, it was going to be hard to create new boundaries, but it was going to be worth it.
And, because this is how it often happens, that same idea has shown up in many conversations I’ve had recently:
A dear friend shared that she gave up having a “Martha Stewart-level” table scape and instead rolled out craft paper and had everyone draw, doodle, and write what they were thankful for at their Thanksgiving table.
A couple with a newborn decided that they’ll celebrate their baby’s first Christmas at home instead of driving 8 hours, but invited the grandparents to town this weekend to choose a tree together so they could be included in the celebration.
A quick programming note: registration is open for January Circles!
For those who want a deep-dive into making motherhood work for YOU we have limited space in new cohorts of Motherhood Redefined.
For moms of newborns we have a new Mamas Circle, Mamas Circle for newly 2nd & 3rd time moms, and Baby & Me Yoga.
We also have circles for Parents of Older Babies and Parents of Toddlers & Preschoolers starting in early January.
And the wonderful Michelle Cohen will be back leading our Pregnancy Circle!
A mom in another circle shared that she’d finally decided to stop making her grandmother’s stuffing, and it created the space in her Thanksgiving day to try a new recipe that was fun to make and that everyone—even her kids!—enjoyed.
Other families are celebrating Hanukkah by donating a different item each day to the DC Diaper Bank, skipping time-consuming holiday cards, hosting a family board game exchange instead of buying new gifts, and forgoing making grandpa’s famous mincemeat pie so they can make these technicolor cookies.
These may seem like small shifts, but making space for joy, play, and what YOU are most looking forward to about the holiday season may make a bigger impact than you can imagine.
Time Magazine recently published an article titled Self-Silencing is Making Women Sick [Please read it!!]. The author, psychologist Maytal Eyal, shares evidenced-based studies that show that when women put aside their own needs or ignore our emotions it directly causes our health to suffer.
She reminds us that we’ve been conditioned to put others first, to not have needs of our own, to be endlessly accommodating, to never get angry… the list goes on and on. And many of us know this. We want to do things differently in our own families and set better examples for our children.
And, at the same time, it can be extremely challenging. We’ve been steeped in this culture our whole lives and have been taught that if we try to do things differently, there will be consequences. Dr. Eyal addresses one aspect of this fear:
For women, who have been unconsciously taught to view our likability as our greatest asset, boundary setting can often feel counterintuitive. Many of us fear that if we honestly communicate our needs and limitations, this will threaten our relationships. But it’s the contrary that’s true: when we set heathy boundaries (rather than toxic ones that can lead to radical individualism) our relationships actually become stronger and healthier.
I hope you’ll take some time to consider what might need to go, or what boundaries might need to be put in place, so you can create opportunities for yourself this season.
Please also practice grace with yourself as you explore moving from obligation to opportunity. It can be hard to shift from old patterns, people pleasing, and taking on too much. Treat yourself with extra kindness and self-compassion as you move through this month.
And, as always, if you’re looking for more support, please reach out!
With love,
Elizabeth
Registration is open for January Circles!
Motherhood: Redefined, which I co-facilitate with Robyn Gordon, will meet on Thursdays in two cohorts: in-person at 10am and virtually at 12pm. Join us to redefine motherhood for yourself and your family in a welcoming and inclusive space. We’ll explore the transformative power of motherhood, what it means to be “enough,” letting go of guilt and unnecessary suffering, and so much more. We will be real, creative, and messy as we gather to explore what motherhood means to us.
If you are a parent with a toddler or preschooler (ages 2-6) please join us for the Parenthood Circle for Parents of Toddlers & Preschoolers where we'll connect around raising a growing kid and everything that comes along with it. Toddlers and preschoolers are curious, fun, and their personalities are really starting to emerge - which can be amazing to witness as a parent but also challenging to navigate as their (and our) needs have changed so much since the early days. We'll dive into parenting young children as we navigate our own changing identities, finding the right balance, creating and maintaining boundaries, and so much more.
In the Parents of Older Babies Circle we'll connect around being the parent to an older baby (or two!) and how it affects our identities, relationships, and more. You're out of the fourth trimester (congratulations!) and starting to get into a rhythm with your little one, but still have questions about ever-changing sleep and nap times, introducing solids, and so much more. Not to mention wondering how to meet your own new needs as a parent. We'll dive into it all in this circle for parents of 4-12 month olds.
New Mamas Circles and our special Mamas Circle for newly 2nd & 3rd time moms are starting this fall as well. In these open, supportive communities we talk about changing identities, relationships, and how to get through the day (and night) with little ones. A place to be in community with other women and know you're not in this alone. Mamas Circles are for moms and their pre-crawling babies.
Our Pregnancy Circle will be continuing in an 8-week format full of opportunities for support and sharing, guidance around preparing for birth and postpartum, self-inquiry practices and journaling pages for deeper reflection, and more. Michelle Cohen will offer consistent, experienced support during time of uncertainty and constant change. The circle is strengthened by diversity, openness, vulnerability and sharing and is an inclusive community for parents and families of all kinds.
Have another idea for a circle? Let us know what you’d like to see on our circle interest form, reply if you received this as an email, or leave a comment below.
Are you an entrepreneur or curious about starting your own business? We’ll have a new Mentorship Circle starting in the new year - share your interest and availability here.
Interested in one-on-one support? I have just one spot in my Coaching Program opening in 2024 and we offer Pregnancy & Birth Coaching with Michelle as well.
This is wonderful thank u for sharing!