The idea of doing something halfway is not really appealing to many of us (myself included!). But it’s pretty much a given in parenting: how often have you only had time to drink half a cup of coffee or get halfway through a sentence before an interruption? How often is a project left half finished? Or a kid sent home sick halfway through the day?
Our culture prizes and rewards perfection, but it is so often unattainable we can feel defeated, guilty, or even that trying isn’t worth it.
Over the last few weeks I’ve come up against situations that have required me to either embrace imperfection or give up entirely, and it’s been an interesting time here in the messy middle. In addition to my own life, this idea has come up in our recent post from Grace Goodwin Dwyer on all-or nothing nutrition thinking and in this article in the New York Times on spring cleaning slowly. Here’s how this has shown up for me recently:
Three weeks ago, I had surgery to repair an umbilical hernia I have had since my first pregnancy. It wasn’t a big procedure, and it went really well, but I’m not yet cleared to move beyond gentle exercise - a very hard place to be for someone who is used to a lot of movement! I’m am at least 3 weeks away from my regular yoga practice and my Sunday touch rugby game. So, in this messy middle I’m taking walks, stretching, and daily meditation to add in movement and mindfulness.
I’ve been really looking forward to our Community Playdate coming up this Sunday even more than usual because my dear friend Michelle Tebor of the Happy Little Art Studio is going be there with art projects for the kids! …and the forecast is rainy. Womp womp. Do we cancel? Do we chance it? As of now we’re rolling with the in-between - because we can’t really DO anything about the weather - and will decide on Saturday (RSVP to get the last-minute updates!). Save the date for our rain date: May 21 - same time, same place.
I’m also starting a Motherhood Circle for Moms Working Outside the Home and a Mentorship Circle for moms starting or growing their own businesses. Trying to find the right times, days, and locations for these circles to accommodate everyone’s schedules has been literally impossible. There is no perfect day or time, and it’s SO hard to let people down. But the lesson I’m learning - again - is embracing imperfection, and putting these circles out into the world (email typos and all!).
I think a big part of this is getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. Not being able to move how we want to, uncertainty around what the future will bring, and knowing we can’t always please everyone are hard places to be.
As Grace says in her article:
We live in a culture where being "in between" can be hard because it's not as glamorous or frequently depicted on social media. But trust me when I say that once you release the pressure of trying to do it “all,” you may find it's a lot easier to do some :)
This is partly a behavior shift, but is also a mindset shift. Try it out today by identifying an area in your health where you feel guilt. Then, examine where you can soften the lines between all or nothing and find a happy medium.
I hope you’ll join us in the messy middle of this mindset shift - and at the playdate if it’s not raining! Gather in community with other parents for our upcoming nutrition workshops, baby & me yoga classes, and circles for pregnancy, moms of newborns, newly 2nd & 3rd time moms, moms working outside the home, and small business owners (or small business owners to-be!).
I’d love to hear your stories of exploring the messy middle, the “good enough,” the happy medium this season. Feel free to leave a comment or reach out directly!
Warmly,
Elizabeth
Love this!