Last month in a few of our circles, we shared this quote by Chelsea Maras:
Motherhood is hard. It’s not a secret, but no one tells you that the hardest part about being a mom has little to do with your child at all. Its the other aspects of your new title. Balancing your work, maintaining your relationships, navigating your hormones, learning to live with your postpartum body, battling with your anxieties, working through your guilt, agonizing over parenting decisions or missteps, operating on little sleep, plus keeping this little person safe all while trying to figure out who you are after this monumental identity shift. Not to mention the isolation that tends to creep in when you least expect it.
Those are the hard parts. It’s not your kid. It’s you. Managing yourself, this new you, that is the part that takes the work. I am learning and evolving every day. I have days when I kill it and days when it nearly kills me.
When I say motherhood is hard, it is. Loving my baby and being his mom is not. That’s the easy part.
And while we always love our kids, sometimes liking your baby (or kid) IS hard. When they are screaming for hours in the middle of the night with colic, or melting down about putting on their shoes when you’re already running late, or asking for water at bedtime after reading 3 books, getting up to pee, and asking 47 questions to delay going to sleep.
Here’s the truth: sleep deprivation is terrible. Tantrums are triggering. And WHY IS BEDTIME SO HARD? And the thread that connects it all — the parenting challenge that has endured for me through each of these ages and stages — is that there are so many moments when our kids needs are the opposite of our needs.
> Babies often want to be held for hours. We’re touched out and need time to ourselves.
> Toddlers live completely in the moment. We need to get to work on time.
> Kids of most ages crave connection at bedtime. We want them to go to sleep so we can have a moment alone or an uninterrupted conversation with a partner.
Babies and children are incredibly demanding of our time and energy. We’re adjusting to a new identity, working through changing relationships, and trying to navigate parenting in a culture that places no value on caregiving.
So what do we do?
The answer is both simple and counter-cultural: Ask for help.
I’ve written to you about how to carve out time and space amidst parenting — we’ve talked about letting go and shoulds, dropping balls, finding tiny moments of calm, completing the stress cycle, purposeful interdependence, and more.
But sometimes the only thing we can do, to meet our needs and our children’s needs at the same time, is to ask for help.
Someone to hold the baby. Another pair of hands during the morning routine. A break from doing bedtime.
Our whole family was at a concert last weekend and the singer covered “Lean on me” which has been a favorite song of mine since I was a kid. I haven’t listened to it in a while and the second verse really struck me:
🎶 Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill
Those of your needs that you won't let show 🎶
It’s time to show our needs. It’s time to lean on others. A little inspiration from some wonderful Nantucket island musicians:
Sometimes we can be the ones giving support, and sometimes we need to be the ones asking for help. Both have value. Both are important.
And since sometimes it’s easier to accept help than ask for it, I have gathered a wonderful selection of resources — both paid and free — from small businesses who serve parents and/or young children and shared them below.
We need time and space to listen to our bodies, process our birth experiences, gather with like-minded people, get out in nature, use our voices, and be creative.
If any of these events meet your needs, I hope you’ll join them! And if you have another need, please reach out for support. We all need somebody to lean on ❤️
Love, Elizabeth
Accept some help with…
Starting February 15: Baby in Tune™ music class
Taught by Sarah King of Reflections Music Therapy, Baby in Tune™ is geared for 0-8 month old babies with a good morning song, tummy time songs, Peekaboo, and so many more you will utilize throughout the first year to strengthen your bond and tune into your baby’s cues. The class is also for the purpose of connecting with other parents in similar stages and adding to your village to help normalize the challenges of early parenthood and celebrate the meaningful moments.
Needs met: Connecting with your baby and meeting other parents
February 16: Become a More Effective Leader by Learning to Translate Your Body's Signs (Free!)
My dear friend Kelly Lubeck is hosting a free 90 minute workshop: Become a More Effective Leader By Learning to Translate Your Body's Signs. She’ll be guiding you into understanding WHY it matters to translate the signs of your body, to notice how you've been translating (or not), how NOT translating the signs of your body keeps you from thriving, and to give you tools to show you a taste of what's possible when you do this! The workshop is for conscious changemakers, leaders and moms who care so much about the world and are ready to release the old patterns of overwhelm, overwork and overgiving that leave them depleted and exhausted, and find their way back to calm, ease and even JOY while doing their awesome work in the world.
Needs met: Connecting with yourself and bringing calm and ease into your life
February 24: The Fatherhood Circle Saturday Saunter (Free!)
Join The Fatherhood Circle for a FREE, casual walk in the woods with other dads and their kids. Dads meet at the trailhead at 16th St and Juniper NW and head into the woods for a bit from there. Other upcoming events for dads include Firecrafting & Fire Safety on Feb 11 and a Paternity Leave Group Starting March 14.
Needs met: Dad friends and time in nature
February 28: The Birth You Didn’t Expect Workshop
Art Therapist Ali Piacente will be hosting The Birth You Didn’t Expect Workshop for people whose birth didn’t go as planned — mothers, fathers, grandparents, friends, doulas, birth workers or others are all welcome. Using art, you will begin the process of putting the pieces back together with support and empathy from the courageous members of the group.
Needs met: Support and healing in community
Starting in March: Happy Little Art Studio Classes
Registration open for March/April classes at Happy Little Art Studio. Classes for 2-13 year olds take place after school and on the weekends and are designed to encourage students to create original work in a fun and playful environment. The Happy Little Art Studio’s mission is to provide students with exciting opportunities to discover and develop their own creative potential.
Needs met: Kid creativity time and adult solo time
March 17: All Together Outdoors Spring Storytime (Free!)
Join Lucinda Woodward for an inclusive, joyful, and nature based storytime embracing the wonder that is spring! Lucinda’s organization — All Together Outdoors — offers outdoor play classes to young kids and their caregivers in the Silver Spring, MD area. Lucinda will read Goodbye Winter, Hello Spring by Kenard Pak and lead young kiddos in a fun nature based craft!
Need met: Community and learning for kids and parents
Starting April 1: Pregnancy Circle
Our Pregnancy Circle will be continuing in an 8-week format full of opportunities for support and sharing, guidance around preparing for birth and postpartum, self-inquiry practices and journaling pages for deeper reflection, and more. Michelle Cohen will offer consistent, experienced support during time of uncertainty and constant change. The circle is strengthened by diversity, openness, vulnerability and sharing and is an inclusive community for parents and families of all kinds.
Need met: Guided support through pregnancy and building community
Starting mid-April: Mamas Circles
New Mamas Circles and our special Mamas Circle for newly 2nd & 3rd time moms are starting this spring as well. In these open, supportive communities we talk about changing identities, relationships, and how to get through the day (and night) with little ones. A place to be in community with other women and know you're not in this alone. Mamas Circles are for moms and their pre-crawling babies.
Needs met: Support, community, and a place to go with your newborn
Have another idea for a circle? Let us know what you’d like to see on our circle interest form, reply if you received this as an email, or leave a comment below.
Are you an entrepreneur or curious about starting your own business? We’ll have a new Mentorship Circle starting soon - share your interest and availability here.
Interested in one-on-one support? I have one spot in my Coaching Program opening in March and we offer Pregnancy & Birth Coaching with Michelle as well.